Friday, March 2, 2007

flava dog


As every urban dweller knows, mass transit can be the most horrible of necessities. But, occasionally it produces events of ineffable beauty. Here is one of them.

In San Francisco I boarded an underground train going to the East Bay and found myself confronted with three African-American teenage males wearing identical hip-hop garb. They were in the middle of an extremely lurid rap of manly exploits, with anal sexuality topping the mention list.

The black octogenarian church lady I sat in front of was getting very agitated and was telling them to stop it or she was going to call the transit police. Well, you how that goes; she gets louder- they get louder. So before things got out of hand, the train stops and onboards a Downs Syndrome, morbidly obese Asian kid who is dressed JUST LIKE THEM except for one detail: he's got himself Flava Faved-out with a little plastic clock hung around his neck. Nice!

The black teenagers stop their rap and stare menacingly at the Asian kid. The kid responds with the biggest, sweetest smile, overjoyed at finding his compadres. The black kids start muttering to themselves about how they're going to kick his ass when all of a sudden the Asian kid lets out a wail of ecstasy that's something akin to a sea lion mating call, and charges the black kids with arms outstretched. The black kids freak out as the kid attempts to hugs them while making strange sucking sounds. Finally, the black kids manage to push him away and quickly open the doors to the next car. The last one through turns around and before the doors can close emits the most plaintive 'Damn!' I have ever heard in my life. And before you think this is over, the church lady says under her breath, 'Four musketeers!' Perfection.

Love me do.

Count Ambio

1 comment:

andrea said...

hello Count. Your blog is really ba-DASS. (Bad-ass with a french accent).